Dude Eats/ Drinks Anything: Absolute Hardo or Mentally Insane???

Stumbled upon this guy today, and officially decided I need him in my entourage stat. I realize that his videos have like 5 million views so I am a little late, but that doesn't change how insane these videos are. In case you currently don't own a computer (like yours truly) the above vid is of this guy named Shoe Nice straight murdering a bottle of Patron in like 9 seconds, and then a bottle of 151 in a similar amount of time, and this isn't even close to the craziest thing he does. Below he eats a bottle of play do.

And here Shoenice is just a normal dude and eats a big mac. Followed by absolutely mercing the box it is served in.

I don't care what you say, no one is lighting up my youtube feed more than this guy right now. Each video destroys the one before it.

P.S if anyone has info on how to get Shoenice to come to my house and eat like blankets and such shoot me an email.

(h/t dodgesalisbury13 for the videos)

Jerry Jones Called Horrific by unnamed NFL GM

This headline is currently on Dallas Morning News's section about the Dallas Cowboys, and honestly this kinda article is the type of writing that makes me wonder what can ever be considered print these days. Newsflash to that GM, NO FUCKING SHIT. Everyone knows Jerry is all about Jerry, and it has now come to the point where we don't care. I speak for all Cowboy fans everywhere when I say we will take 6-10 seasons forever as long as our owner pulls power moves like owning a personal glasses cleaner.

It comes down to this, Jerry will never admit that he is wrong. That is the reason Romo is still allowed to snap the ball past minute 53 and the main reason the Cowboys are the most disappointing franchise is sports in the last decade. The only viable option to turn this team around is for Jerry to plow his final 19 year old mistress, keel over, and fucking die. But until then LETS GO BOYS!!!

P.S. The real reason the Cowboys are in the shitter is because we had the gall to fire this man. YMCA all night baby.

A-ROD Walks Out... Who Gives a Shit???

Wrong Alex Rodriquez, but with blue steel like that I honestly couldn't resist.

This story has literally been raping my twitter feed like nobody's business. Its been so over blogged and over hyped that I am going to spare you. Instead I am going to blog about what I think is not only the biggest story of the day, but quite possibly the entire decade...


THIS EXISTS!?!?!:

PIZZA ONESIE BITCHES. For the bargain price of $99 you can suit up as a pizza forever, which means quite possibly never paying for a slice again. I need one of these and I needed it yesterday. But this item isn't even the best onesie on 1991inc.com.

Check out this little ditty:

DONE. INTERNET HAS BEEN WON.

Party time baby!!!!

Woman Who Accused Jameis Winston of Sexual Assault Backs Out

So this story has made news today, and it appears that Jameis Winston has gotten off whatever happened that night. Now I am not going to speculate as to whether or not Winston is innocent or not. However I will speculate for days on who bribed this young lady to drop the charges. After much care and deliberation, I have devised a list of three people so evil and ruthless, that they are the only people who could pull off such a diabolical scheme.

3. Scott Stapp

Coming in at number three is the frontman of the band Creed and former Florida State alum, Scott Stapp. He makes this list plain and simple because no one knows who he is anymore and he's trying to gain some street cred. Sure Creed is still a top 1 band ever, but that doesn't mean people remember him. Wouldn't surprise me one bit if in like two days he comes out and claims this was his doing, just to be a somebody again. Dude made the crucial error of breaking up Creed and since that day he's paid the price. 

ODDS HE'S GUILTY: 20:1

2. Mack Brown

Number two is the sneaky Florida State alum Mack Brown, and honestly why not? He's currently lowest of lows at UT, making them the little brother of perennial Texas bitch A&M, not to mention everyone wants him fired STAT. If Manziel managed to win a Heisman two years in a row, especially after Mack tried to move him to safety, the old man might just keel over and die. So what does he do? Calls up this lady and offers her a nice career as his mistress if she drops the charges. Can't say I hate the man for it. Do you Mack, Do you.

ODDS HE'S GUILTY: 5-1

1. Ted DiBiase 

Did you honestly think it would be someone else? DiBiase is my odds on favorite as the culprit here, and I have zero reason why, besides the fact that he's just so diabolical he can't even resist. Never got to take Hogan's championship so now he's trying to steal AJ McCarron's, pure balls. 

ODDS HE'S GUILTY: 2:1

This Week in Amazing Mavs Videos

Watch out Western Conference, WE COMIN' FOR YOU

Johnny Football… Not Cool

Surfing the internet this morning I saw this video on SI.com with the headline "In a Poll of Aggie Players, Johnny Manziel Not Voted Coolest".  My simple response? Who the fuck cares? I don't even understand how SI can post this and think that it's news. Duh Manziel's teammates aren't going to admit he's the coolest. The dude hangout with Drake and Lebron, of course he's cool. You know the only people who hangout with these dudes/ realize they even exist? A bunch of virgins that are in the fake military at A&M and somehow think they are doing College Station a favor. If one person outside of the 979 area code knows who the fuck anyone in this video is, they are lying. 

Plus when you can dress up as god damn Scooby Doo for Halloween and still hang with smokes like this, you have gotta be cool. I don't care what anyone says, nobody puts Johnny in a corner.

P.S Is it weird the entire time I was writing this blog this is the only thing I could think of: 

The Great Debate: Wiping While Sitting or Standing?… WHAT?!?!?!?!

So the other day I was at a friend's place and walked in on him finishing up a solid number two and to my complete astonishment he was wiping standing up. I was absolutely blown away and immediately alerted my friend Jon to what was happening. He in turn was amazed and sent out a group text to our friends about the incident. This is where it gets weird, the reaction was completely split down the middle! Half of my friends wipe sitting and half of them wipe standing. Now this was mind blowing as I did not even know wiping standing up was a thing and apparently people that wipe standing think the same thing about sitters. My friends had no clue that sitting and wiping was even physically possible. Like there is no way on earth that a normal human can poop, finish pooping and immediately think that standing up is the next step in the clean up process. Does the poop not just head straight back up where it came from causing all sorts of disasters? And how do the standing wipers handle the automatic flushers? Just way to many factors need to be perfect in order to keep it clean down there.

The way I see it, if you wipe standing, you're also probably a pledge that knows nothing about anything.

P.S- the main advocate for wiping standing up also said that he wipes first thing in the morning to make sure that he's completely cleaned up… NEWSFLASH PSYCHO, if you sat down and wiped in the first place you wouldn't have to double check in the morning you maniac. 

Mavericks… Sayin' it

So as of 2 seconds ago, the Mavericks just beat the 76ers at the AAC. This advanced their record to 7-4, which is honestly better then I or any other sane individual in this city predicted them to be at this point. When you look at the lineup we have, it doesn't really intimidate anyone:

PG- Jose Calderon- as average as average is

SG- Monta Ellis- Yeah he scores a lot, but prior to this season, has averaged high teens, low 20's PPG along with about a billion shots a game

SF- Shawn Marion- great defender and the prime example of how one should look when shooting a jump shot, but nothing special overall

PF- Dirk Nowitzki- nothing needs to be said about Dirk showing up now or ever

C- Samuel Dalembert- gets rebounds, who cares

6th Man- Vince Carter- Best player in the NBA

As average as this lineup looked preseason, they have shown glimmers of being a deep playoff team. Dirk is always going to give great numbers on offense, but the real stud has been Monta Ellis, setting a Mavericks record for most points scored through first 4 games with the team at 100. Along with stellar defensive play top to bottom, the Mavericks might prove to be something to be reckoned with come playoff time.

And with enthusiasm and production value like this, how can we go wrong, MFFL baby

Welcome

Welcome to Black Stallion Blogs, the college mans go to for all things great about the internet

So in the words of the legendary Marvin Gaye, Lets Get It On...