Pope Francis Has The Fix In On Awards This Year

Original Story

It's officially official (not a typo, legit mean that). Pope Francis no joke has the fix in on the magazine awards this year. First he steals the rug out from under Miley on being Time's person of the year. Next thing he does is pull an absolute Stern move and wins Esquire's best dressed man of 2013 award. That for sure shouldn't even be possible. The dude has worn the SAME THING FOR THE ENTIRE YEAR!!!! He has the same outfit every fucking day. And even better, it's the same thing that every pope in the history of forever has worn. What Esquire is telling every man out there, is that if you go buy a white tunic and a little scalp hat you're set on the pussy getting game for an entire year. Even further down the scale on being absolutely diabolical is Esquire's reasoning for giving the Pope the award. And I quote "the Pope's sartorial decisions have subtly signaled a new era for the Catholic Church.". The fine folks at Esquire are legit saying that his clothing choices have made more people dig the Church. Even if that was a thing, I could maybe get behind it like the first month. Be all "No worries man, totally not weird you've worn the same outfit every single day since you've been elected to this prestigious position. This month was fire, what's next months look?". First of the month rolls around and what happens? Pope Francis rolls up wearing the same fucking get-up. Being basically a savant of style, I am drying this out for sure. And guess what Pope, when you try and sneak a fix in on the Salzsquatch, do a better job and maybe nominate yourself for something like "Best Scalp Hat of 2013". That is something I could get behind.