Yarmulke Wearing Northwestern Basketball Player Makes National News

Original Story

Before I say anything, I want to preface this blog by saying I'm not a Jew hater. That being said, this is the dumbest thing I've ever seen. Aaron Lieberman makes national news for wearing a Yarmulke (which honestly is not how that word should be spelled in the slightest. Super frustrating to continually spell that wrong). How is a guy wearing a tiny hat newsworthy? I'll tell you why. The internet is run by Jewish people. Straight up accept it world. A guy that didn't do anything for the 1 minute of total time he logged in a 20 point loss makes national news. Meanwhile, I am on my couch spitting blog magic daily and probably couldn't even get the local high school women's basketball coach to make an appearance on Salz Bro's Radio. Shows you where the world has it's fucking priorities. Shameful.

P.S. How about the part in the article where they talk about how he sometimes has to walk 8 miles to practice because he can't use electricity certain times because of being Jewish (didn't know that was real). Such a squid move it's unreal.

Emma Watson Is Single... I'm So In It Hurts

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Single and ready to fuck, plain and simple. Anyone who's anyone knows that I have had Hermione in my cross hairs since "Harry Potter and The Sorcerer's Stone". Would rather hold her hand then bang any Victoria's Secret model. Does that make me a gay ball? Better yet do I even fucking care if that makes me a gay ball? Not at all. I loved Hermione before loving witches was cool. I haven't been this excited since I discovered that something happens from rubbing your penis really fast for 4 minutes. I don't care if Hermione is most likely a dead fish in the sack, nothing will stop this obsession. And now that my blog has like 20 regular viewers and our radio show had two people watching live today, I am essentially a celebrity on the internet. Game over.

P.S. Was that dick joke to much? No shame to my game, just curious.

Salz Bros Radio Episode 2

New radio show, hope you enjoy it. Thanks for watching a reading the blog. We are always open to new questions and would love some suggestions. Comment below and let us know ideas for content. 

Thanks again and go Cowboys.

Is This The Greatest Tailgate Move In The History Of Tailgating??

Such a power move here. Three old bros and some old hag dominating the tailgate scene in Philly. Some suckers go to the game early to grill in the parking lot, and freeze their dicks off, but no, not these guys. 80 years into their long existence, they finally figured it out. Go to Hot Tub City, and bask in the glory. Great play by these guys, but what's their move when it's time to get out, cause lord knows there's absolutely nothing worse then going from a glorious hot tub sesh to the freezing cold tundra of sub zero temps. Bravo boys, bravo. Live it up while you can, but I'm giving no symp to them when they finally do have to get out.

Watch Out Gay Community, Ricky Martin Is Back On The Market

The word around the internet is that Ricky Martin has broken up with his long time boyfriend whose name no one cares about. All that matters is straight Ricky Martin baby. The man who basically made being a famous gay person cool is back on the market and honestly I'd be scared to even be straight and live in the same city as this man. That flow, that Livin La Vida Loca swag, irresistible. Now I am not going to say I'd get the gay for Ricky Martin if he asked me to, but I'd totally get the gay for Ricky Martin if he asked me to.

PARTY TIME BABY!!!!

Jerry Jones Supports Expanding Playoffs...UGH

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Less than 24 hours after I post my Token Cowboys Blog, Jerry comes out and just blows my mind with how intelligent he is. Hmm... You're telling me that the owner/GM of a team that has just barely missed out on the playoffs the last 3 years wishes that they allowed more teams into said playoffs? Didn't see that shit coming. Hey Jerry, instead of praying they expand the playoffs how about you just make your team better. I know your mind might be blown here, but it is possible to not field the exact same roster year after year (new theory by me, Jerry Jones doesn't know that Free Agency is a thing. Just thinks you can only trade and draft people). The NFL expanding the playoffs to let more teams in is like One Direction letting Drew Brees into their "band" (is that what you call them, I don't a word to describe a group of perfect). You don't mess with perfection Jerry. 1D knows that, Drew Brees knows that, and everyone but you knows that.

Nobody puts One Direction (Salzsquatch) in the corner. 

Does This Look Like The Face Of A Bro Whose BAC Was Too High To Calculate?

Original Story

What's more impressive than Texas A&M's crazy second half comeback in the Chick-Fil-
A Bowl? Levi Carter being so tanked that a breathalyzer can't register his BAC, that's what. Police say they got a call from a woman with Carter saying he was running down street signs in his car. Where do they find him? Sitting in his basement hanging out with a bunch of buddies. Oh wait, he was hanging out with literally nobody. So wasted he was just talking to a room full of no one. Naturally police become curious of just how much alcohol Levi Carter knocked back previous to driving. "Oh just two Bud Lights" (which is the exact response every person of all time has had when asked how much they've had to drink by a cop). The last reading on Carter's breathalyzer was .467 before it just read "HI". I guess the inventors over at Breathalyzer USA can't fathom anyone blowing higher then a .47, just not possible. Well Levi Carter isn't one to let boundaries get in his way. He blows his way to the highest BAC ever. Congrats buddy.

Airport drunk dude didn't even blow a .467. Fact