Big Mack Brown Out At UT

Earlier this week it was reported that Mack Brown was planning on retiring from coaching this week and low and behold today it was confirmed. The report is that Mack left on his own accord, but lets get real, he was forced out. The last few seasons Brown has consistently come under fire for performing below average, only to pull it out at the end and finish with a solid season. I think UT was just tired of putting up with consistently being out of the BCS despite having arguably the most appealing college football program in the entire NCAA. But on the real I think they just realized that sooner or later it would come out that he was my number two suspect behind the dastardly act of getting Jameis Winston off scott free. If that news got out, UT would literally never recover. Smart move, but dumb move. Who is going to replace him? Now normally I would give a list of suggestions for UT to hire (since they obviously read Black Stallion Blogs) but every single candidate is a straight nobody so I won't even bother. Pledge City, population Austin, Texas.

Russell Westbrook... Go Fuck Yourself

Seriously though

Megyn Kelly Says Santa Is For Sure White, Everyone Flips

Umm... how is this even making any sort of news? Duh Santa is white. Is this honestly what the world has come to? Do we really even need to be talking about this? Rhetorical question! Of course we do. Santa is so white its insane. And lets just say Santa wasn't white (he totally is though) do people actually think he'd be black? Have you ever seen one of those light up Santa decorations from like 1960 and Santa is black?

CREEP CITY!

I honestly like black people as much as the next dude, but think about this for a second. Off the top of your head name the one race that if seen in your house with a gigantic bag you'd immediately suspect this person was robbing you... exactly. Santa is white because duh he's just white. I stand with Megyn Kelly on this and I will not back down. Nobody puts Salzy in the corner, nobody. 

P.S I realize that everyone is probably saying "Hey Salzsquatch, you know what is not a good look on you? Getting your first blog of the day out at 8 pm". Whatever, I had work

Is This The Worlds Best Response To Beyonce Dropping Her New Album

And there it is. No way in hell there's a better response to Beyonce's surprise of an album, and I beg y'all to find one. No one surprise drops an album on deactivatedfatgirl's watch, no one. Lord knows she cashed in the food stamps for a Beyonce iTunes album, and lord also knows she's not gonna get "a good ass lunch" either. Do what you do deactivatedfatgirl. I ain't gonna stop you, and forewarning to Beyonce, give the lady a little heads up before you start dropping fire on iTunes. 

Surprise Surprise Khloe and Lamar Are Getting Divorced

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So this probably comes as no surprise to anyone that Khole is getting a divorce with Lamar. I can't blame the lady, an over the hill meth head basketball player isn't exactly a solid catch if you ask me. In Lamars defense Yeezus isn't the prototypical husband either, let alone father. But in reality I could give two shits if they get a divorce or not, but the real question is, how fucking lucky is Lamar Odom to finally rid himself of that garbage the Kardashians call a family? He must be on top of the world right now. No more Kris Jenner, no more Bruce Jenner (I might add is about to get a sex change), and above and beyond no more Paul Bearer....... I mean Khloe. Who the fuck in their right mind would agree to be apart of that family? The chick is honestly a beast. There's no holding the man back now though. Live it up while you can Lamar, cause lord knows when the cops catch wind of this they'll be beating down your door demanding the drugs.

Que the crystal meth, hookers, and no Kardashians baby

P.S. Which ones Paul Bearer and which ones Khloe, cause I can't tell.

A

B

Should NFL Games Only Be Played Indoors?

So in classic ESPN First Take form they argue the absolute most ridiculous thing you could possibly argue, should the NFL only play games indoors? As Stephen A would say, "this is absolute blasphemy!!" Who the fuck in their right mind actually agrees with this? Yeah I know its First Take, and they would find a way to argue that it's not psychotic to wipe standing up. (Which it absolutely is by the way.) Did the producers of First Take watch football this weekend? Do they realize it was the greatest scoring weekend in football history? The Snowbowl between the Lions and Eagles was insane. Shady ran for 148 yards and 2 touchdowns in the 4th quarter alone. I understand not playing in snow for the super bowl, but its the regular season, pony up and fucking deal. Do these looneys think that every team should just pick right up and build a dome? I don't think so First Take. No sir. In all honesty I wouldn't put it past Goodell to consider this either. Goodell is the worst. Either way, for this to even be discussed makes me lose all faith in sports, and ESPN.

Also I'm giving Skip Bayless massive amounts of symp. The dude goes to war with the black community day in and day out. Every single guest they bring in is black, and sides with Stephen A. Skip just fights losing battle after losing battle, and I gotta feel for the dude. The dude can't catch a break. He never had a chance. Also the Incognito vs. Martin debate didn't do Skip any favors.

P.S. The one game I bet the over (Saints vs. Panthers) this weekend was probably the only game that didn't hit the over.

P.P.S. Sit down wipers all the way

Pope Francis Beats Out Miley Cyrus For Time's "Person Of The Year"

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This is the first thing I read on twitter this morning when I woke up and I started dry heaving. Travesty in its purest form. And yeah all 10 of my readers are probably saying "Salzsquatch, you're a professional smut peddler, of course you'd say this". My response is plain and simple, in this generation there is only one thing that is important, boners. So straight up I am going to ask, has Pope Francis ever given any of you boners? Nope. So shut up and accept the fact that when the word of the year is "selfie" then the person of the year has to be full of boners. 

P.S Every other person on Time's finalist list is more boner prone then the Pope:

The black and white flow on Hassan Rouhani is straight diabolical.